Posted in Clinical Depression

New Year’s Resolutions

We’re not really big on “New Year’s” Resolutions in this house. When you call them “New Year’s” Resolutions it seems like they only last a month, at most. I prefer to just call them Resolutions.

This year both of us have resolved to get in shape and get to the gym more. Hubs goal is to lose weight and get in shape. My goal is to get in shape and *fingers crossed* that helps me get pregnant. (But if not, I’ll still be ok).

I came up with my other resolution just a few days ago. I want to start a conversation about Clinical Depression. I suffered with my depression HARD this year and yet no one knows. Those of us with clinical depression feel ashamed of it and like we can’t share about it because people are so quick to say “well just DON’T be depressed”. I wish it was that simple. It’s the same as people saying “well just relax and you’ll get pregnant”. Wow, I didn’t know RELAXING could fix PCOS and unexplained infertility why didn’t my doctor tell me?

I want to use this blog to talk more about clinical depression. This year I *almost* went back on anti-depressants, something I haven’t been on in 8 years. I fought my depression back EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and no one knew. Because I was ASHAMED. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a DISEASE. I literally cannot help it. Yes, I can fight it. But I cannot ever make it completely go away. I cannot make it not be a part of me.

So, I want to be more open about my depression this year. It is a part of me. It is a part of me I fight, a part of me that overtakes me sometimes. Unfortunately, it will never go away. But I’m done being ashamed of it. I’m done hiding it. I’m not going to make up excuses for why I feel the way I do anymore. If someone wants to come over and I’m feeling depressed, I’m just going to say “hey, my depression is bad right now but let’s try for another time”. I’m not going to make up other excuses because my depression is REAL. It’s hard.

But I make it through. I fight it off. I use meditation and quotes to calm my brain. I will go more in depth about the things I do to fight my depression back. I will share more about when things are bad and when things are good.

The most important thing I do: give everything to God. When I don’t think I can handle another second, I simply pray for strength to handle what I can and for God to take what I can’t handle. He knows everything we can handle. He knows I am STRONG enough to fight clinical depression or He wouldn’t have given it to me.

You are strong enough to fight whatever demons are going on in your life.

xoxo

nikki

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Just a wife, foster/adoptive mama, fur mama and small business owner sharing her life!

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