Yesterday I went grocery shopping. I usually try to avoid the stores during the week before Christmas but I needed to stock my house with groceries before all my family comes next week!
I actually had a really enjoyable shopping trip! I was polite and happy to everyone and it paid off, people would move out of my way and when I got to the front and was looking for a register, a manager was opening one up right as I walked by her!!
We had a fairly nice conversation and then she asked if my kids were out of school. I kindly replied with “oh I don’t have kids.” To which she replied “Lucky you.”
Years ago, or even a year ago, that would have really gotten to me. I would have wanted to say something like “you don’t know how hard we’ve tried to have kids” or “i would give anything to have kids” or “lucky? are you crazy?”.
However, I just let it go. She doesn’t know my story. She obviously didn’t mean any harm by it. She thought she was being nice or funny. I can’t take everything everybody says personally. I’m proud of myself for not responding to that or letting it bring me down. I smiled, brushed it off and changed the subject to something else.
I was and am still really proud of myself for not letting that comment get to me. Normally I would have come home and steamed about it all. day. long. But now I realize that she didn’t mean any harm. And it honestly didn’t offend me.
There was a time when kids were all I thought about it. I thought my body was failing me. I thought I was a failure. I cried to God asking Him what did I do wrong that I couldn’t or wasn’t having kids. I thought for sure that not having kids was a punishment for something that I had done.
Now I see differently. I’m not being punished. I’m blessed. Whatever happens in my life, I know it’s in God’s plan.
Do I want to adopt kids? Absolutely not.
Do I want biological kids? Yes. Yes. I would love to have a kid of my own. But I also know that is up to God. He will bless us with children if it is in His plan. He knows my heart, my wishes, my desires and He also knows what is best for me.
If not we will just keep loving on these adorable fur babies:
“Thanks for the bed, Mom, but it’s a little small”
“Mooom, he’s sleeping in my bed again!”