When you say “oh, we disrupted our adoption”, people of course automatically judge you. “You gave up on those kids.” “You should have held out.” “Don’t you know what those kids have gone through?” “How could you do that to them?” “Didn’t you know what you were getting yourself into?” “Parenting isn’t easy.” “Parenting biological children is just as difficult.” And so on and so on.
Call me the bad guy if it makes you feel better. We are 1000% positive that we did the right thing. It was a bad, negative situation for all involved. I could share our story over and over again but I’ve come to realize that unless you were living it with us, you’ll never 100% understand.
But, just because we disrupted DOES NOT MEAN that we don’t love those kids anymore. We do love them. We would love to know that they are okay. We would love to know what they are doing. We would have loved to keep in touch with them. See, here’s the thing that gets missed: THEY WERE HAPPY TO GO BACK TO THEIR HOME STATE. THEY WANTED TO GO BACK. You should have seen this kid do cartwheels when we told him.
But, alas, we are the bad guys. We are the ones who “gave up on them”. We are the ones who sent them back because “we couldn’t handle it” (not because it was WHAT THEY WANTED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD).
But, truly what makes me the most upset, or the reason why I’m writing this is because we sent an email to their caseworker just asking how they were doing and got NO response back. Why do they think we are the bad guys? Why will they not understand that this was what the kids wanted? Why are they so angry that they have to do their jobs?
If anything, they are the bad guys. They are robbing these kids of having any communication/relationship with us. We NEVER stopped loving them. It breaks my heart to think that these kids think we don’t want anything to do with them. Their caseworkers won’t let us have communication with them but yet I’m sure they are telling the kids that we didn’t want them and that we don’t want any communication with them. It hurts my heart and makes me angry. I want these kids to know that we gave them what they wanted, WE were the ones who listened to them when no one else would. WE LOVED THEM. We want only good, wonderful things for them. I hate that their picture of us is tainted by caseworkers who won’t listen and only see the worst in people.
Why do caseworkers think we don’t deserve to, at least, know that these kids are doing alright? (Honestly, I don’t think they’re telling us because the kids are doing well and they refuse to admit that they were wrong.) We are NOT just a home, we are people with FEELINGS and we loved those kids. We lived with them for 3 months. We care about them. We just want to know how they are doing.
Am I angry-sounding? Because, honestly, I am really trying to let this anger go but it just makes me SO MAD when I think about the fact that they are telling the boys that we didn’t want them because IT’S NOT TRUE. We wanted them and we tried everything to make them happy here but they weren’t and I wasn’t going to be the one who kept them somewhere they were unhappy. I am not a caseworker. I actually listen to kids.
I don’t know how long it will take me to get past this anger at the caseworkers, system and adoption agencies. I don’t think about it a lot. I try to not let it affect my day. But I just don’t know how to let this anger go.
Any tips would be helpful.