I have never truly cared for Halloween. (And I own a party store, so I really shouldn’t be saying that!!).
But this year was different. It was the first BIG holiday since our adoption disruption. (It was the second holiday we would have spent together as a family, July 4th was the first). I remembered one kid’s LOVE for Spider-Man and how he would have loved to be Spider-Man for Halloween. I would have LOVED dressing him up. I would have loved to see his face as he went door to door. Then there’s the other one, who would have been complaining the whole night about dressing up, the cold, and how he didn’t want to be here.
For the first time EVER, I actually WANTED to hand out candy. Usually I let my husband do that part because I just don’t feel like going to the door over and over again. But not this year. This year, I just felt like handing out the candy. And there were some CUTE kiddos. I actually had a good time.
I think part of the reason I wanted to hand out the candy was so that I wouldn’t just sit on the couch and think about “what could have/should have been”. We own a party store so they really could have picked out any costume they wanted. I would have loved to flip through the catalog with him, picking out options. All I could do was hope that wherever they are, he was able to dress up as Spider-Man and go trick or treating.
All in all, it wasn’t an awful day. There was, of course, a little sadness and a small case of the “what could have been”. It was the first holiday that I thought (at the time) they would be here for. It was going to be our FIRST Halloween with kids. Luckily, it wasn’t as heart-breaking as I thought it might be. It was just like every other year.
At the end of the day, I’m just feeling really, really thankful that my family chose to not listen to me and they will all be out here to spend Christmas with us this year. (Right after the disruption, I had told them all they no longer needed to come out here for Christmas and they all ignored me, thankfully.)