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Comparing

I have a very bad habit of comparing my life to everyone’s around me. I’m the person who’s always sitting here going:

“They’re a better parent than I was”

“There business is more successful than mine”

“They exercise more than I do”

So all these people must be better than me.

I don’t know why I do it. I have a really, really great life. I really actually love my life. It’s hard, yes. But I love my husband. I love our dogs. I love my job. I love our house.

But I can’t stop. I don’t know how to stop. I want to stop. I hate this about myself. I hate that I compare myself so much. I hate that I put myself on such a low pedestal and people I barely know on such a high pedestal.

I want to be on the high pedestal. I want to believe in myself. All I feel like all the time is a failure. My adoption failed. My business is barely profitable. I don’t get up early in the morning and go exercise. I don’t eat healthy enough.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all of us doing it. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. Especially when it’s just a snapshot of their life on social media. So I don’t get up early (like before 7am). So what I don’t exercise. So what I’m not a vegan. So what!

I work hard everyday at our business. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s not going to make us millionaires tomorrow. It’s going to take a lot of time, a lot of word of mouth, a lot of work to make it successful. Sometimes I forget that. I want it to be successful NOW. And it’s not, so I feel like a failure. But instead of looking at how far I have to go, sometimes I need to look at how far we’ve come. Being profitable is the first BIG step to any business and we are almost there. I have learned a lot about business having one. I’ve had to jump into an area that I knew basically nothing about and teach myself everything. Mistakes have been made. That’s the past and there’s nothing I can do but learn from them.

Our adoption failed. So I must be a terrible parent. No. I’m just not the kind of parent who can parent somebody else’s child. The fact that this failed says nothing about my parenting skills. It just says that we were not meant to adopt. That makes me feel bad sometimes, too. Adoption was always something that I wanted to do. Give a child a loving home and all that. I have to accept that I was not meant to adopt. I wanted to and I tried it and it just wasn’t meant to be. I’m so glad and thankful that we got to have those boys in our lives for a couple months. I know that this decision was the best for all of us.

I don’t get up at the crack of dawn. I’ve never been a morning person. Getting me up before 8am is amazing. And I’ve been waking up around 7:30 lately. I feel like I need to get up earlier to get more done but I think I’m just one of those people who needs more sleep to function. That’s okay. I still get everything done that I need to get done. Plus I get the sleep that I need too!

I don’t exercise. I need to. I know I’ll feel better if I do. I have to chalk this one up to laziness, plain and simple. I don’t like to exercise (who does?). So I’ll work on this one.

I don’t eat healthy enough. Really? I totally do. I’m not a vegan or vegetarian by any means but I don’t eat a ton of fast food or even junk food. I snack on air popped popcorn, celery, almonds & raisins. I try to eat salad a couple times a week if not everyday. I don’t know why I tell myself I don’t eat healthy enough. I totally do.

Sometimes social media can really get us down. We see perfect snapshots of someone’s imperfect life and start comparing. Stop it. We all have perfect moments in our day but it doesn’t mean our life is anywhere near perfect.

My life is not perfect and I’m thankful for that. More than anything, I’m just grateful to have this beautiful life. I’m more than thankful that I didn’t take my own life when I thought about it and that I’m here today to enjoy my life.

xoxo

nikki

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Author:

Just a wife, foster/adoptive mama, fur mama and small business owner sharing her life!

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