There’s not much information out there about adoption disruptions. Sure I’ve read some adoption forums where people talk about it but I haven’t really found anything about what you do once the adoption is disrupted.
We’ve packed up and sent all of their stuff. Gosh, it was a lot! And it took days to do it because it was spread throughout the house.
We’ve taken down their beds and turned their rooms back to what they were before: den & guest room.
We’ve packed up a box of their things that we wanted to keep, pictures & drawings mostly and put it in the basement. I just can’t bear to look at any of it right now. Especially pictures. The ones on the walls we took down right away. I’ve spent the last couple of days taking their pictures from iphoto & putting them on a hard drive. I hope one day to be able to look at them, maybe even scrapbook them but it hurts too much right now.
I don’t know if any of this is the “right” way to heal. Is there a “right” way to heal for anything? Everyone heals differently.
I have to keep reminding myself that it’s only been two weeks. It takes time. We are mourning a loss. A loss of two children, a loss of a dream, a loss of a family.
The first couple days when we were packing up their stuff was the hardest. They had so much stuff, all over the place and as we packed it up there were so many memories. In just 4 short months, we had made so many memories.
The hardest one was the web shooters we had bought for Q’s birthday in November. So don’t tell me that we hadn’t planned on a future with them. We had birthday presents ALREADY bought. It killed me to think about him opening them and not being there to see the excitement on his face. To not see him use them for the first time. That was by far the hardest thing to pack up. I miss him. I miss reading him stories at bedtime. I miss him crawling onto my lap. I miss his crazy imagination. His crazy made up stories. How he would tell us that Peter Parker was his cousin. I miss him chasing the rabbits. And high-fiving the trees. Playing 1-on-1 basketball with him.
The second hardest thing is that no one wants to let us know how they are doing. Just because our home wasn’t the right home for them doesn’t mean we don’t care about them. We want them to be happy. We want to know how they are doing. I hate that the caseworkers don’t want to let us know how they are. WE LOVE THEM. WE CARE ABOUT THEM. I know they think we don’t. But we do. We’ve asked a couple of times how they’re doing and have been met by no response. While I hate it, there’s nothing else we can really do.
The funniest thing to me out of all of this (funny ironic) is how neither our caseworker nor our adoption agency has reached out to us to see how we are doing. This just proves to me that they never saw us as people, just a home where they could put kids. They clearly never cared about us.
Disruption is hard because no one wants to talk about it. There are no support groups. Some people want to even pretend like it doesn’t exist. If you are going through a disruption, or thinking about it, feel free to reach out to me.