I have so much to write but yet so little to write. When the ideas come, I can’t find the time. When I find the time, the ideas are gone.
This morning was the first really bad depression morning I’ve had in awhile. We’re talking “don’t want to be here, giving up” kind of morning. Then when I finally rolled myself out of bed, I had to talk one of my kids out of a crying/pouting fit by using compassion that I sure as heck didn’t feel.
It got better as the day went by. My depression usually can start to be controlled the more I wake up. By midmorning I was doing pretty well. By that I mean I was controlling the suicidal thoughts. It helped that for the first time in about 3 days the sun decided to grace us with his presence. They say depression is worse when the sun isn’t out and it’s actually true. I can usually handle one day but by the second & third day I start going downhill. It doesn’t help that I’m still dealing with acid reflux and at least once a week I throw up stomach acid as soon as I wake up. That happened this morning too.
This morning really showed me again how STRONG I truly am. I woke up throwing up and wanting to not be here anymore but went downstairs and was a compassionate, loving mom (even though those were the last two things I felt).
Therapeutic parenting is absolutely not for everyone. Somedays I’m not even sure I can do it but somehow God helps me find the inner strength I need to get through. I’m realizing every day exactly how strong I am.
I’m strong enough to beat depression.
I’m strong enough to live with acid reflux.
I’m strong enough to parent these kids from hard places.
And if you’re struggling today, I just want to let you know that YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH to get through whatever it is.