Posted in Uncategorized

On Being Fearless

I am an introvert. I’m shy. I’m quiet. I don’t strike up conversations with strangers.

As a small business owner, being extroverted is kind of part of the job description. I’ve gotten better about being extroverted for the business. But for myself, I still prefer to be introverted.

I also like to live life with no regrets. I don’t regret any choice I’ve made. Even if they may have been wrong, I don’t regret. I look at it like if I hadn’t made that “wrong” choice I wouldn’t be where I am today. No regrets.

Why am I telling you this? To tell you this:

Today I was working at the store. It’s graduation so it was BUSY. I’d been standing behind that counter blowing up balloons from 7am- 1:30pm. I was blowing up balloons when someone came through the door that I recognized right away. Ready?

It was Floyd from #teamfun on #theamazingrace. I JUST caught up on the show LAST NIGHT! He was on my tv last night and now here he was IN PERSON IN MY STORE! I FREAKED OUT! I knew I had to meet him. I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. But I’m shy, I’m an introvert, I was SCARED. But still, I called an employee to take my place, stepped out from behind the counter to where my husband was talking to him and MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OUT OF MYSELF. I kept telling him how awesome he was and just kept talking, talking, talking. It was like I LITERALLY COULD NOT SHUT UP. Even in my head, I was like SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. He was so nice and kind. And I TOTALLY SPACED ASKING FOR A PICTURE. When he left, I was literally shaking. I had just stepped outside of my comfort zone, made a fool of myself, forgot to ask for a picture but I was still SO SO HAPPY!

I was happy because I will never regret that moment. Even though I didn’t get a picture, I don’t regret a single thing I said or did. You never know how you’re going to react when you meet someone who was ON TV. But I was happier because I stepped out of my comfort zone. The old me would have thought it was him but never would have left that counter to go see.

Most importantly, I want to teach my kids to be fearless and live life with no regrets. The best way to teach them those things is to show them how by implementing them in my life. I’m glad that I was able to be extroverted for a moment today. To do something I would usually never do. To strike up a conversation with a complete (famous) stranger.

I’m proud of myself today.

xoxo

nikki

Advertisements
Posted in Adoption

Mothers Day

Here’s to honesty:

I wanted to skip over Mothers Day. I wanted to pretend like it didn’t exist. Like it was just another Sunday. My sweet, sweet husband asked me if I wanted anything for Mothers Day, because in his words “even though our kids aren’t here, I’m still going to be their mother so this is my first mothers day”. He’s so sweet, sometimes I feel so undeserving of him. I told him no I didn’t want anything.

Here’s why I wanted to skip Mothers Day:

I don’t feel like a mother. My kids don’t live with me. I don’t discipline them. I don’t feed them. I don’t read them bedtime stories. I don’t cuddle them. All of this is done by their foster mother and SHE deserved to be celebrated this Mothers Day. And although this SOUNDS selfless of me, I was thoroughly disappointed that I wasn’t going to get to celebrate this Mother’s Day. I have been waiting to be celebrated for SEVEN years. I was SO MAD that the stupid paperwork took too long and my kids weren’t with me this year. To make things worse, I realized that they WILL be here for Fathers Day.

I don’t want to be this selfish person. I really don’t. But that’s how I felt.

This year was supposed to be MY FIRST YEAR BEING CELEBRATED.  I really, really wanted that this year. I guess a lot of it stems from the fact that our last failed fertility treatment happened RIGHT BEFORE Mother’s Day. So that was another year I thought I would finally get to celebrate and didn’t, I guess maybe this reminded me of that. I can’t explain the feeling of thinking you’re going to be a mother only to have it snatched away. Yes, my kids will be here soon but they weren’t here for Mothers Day. I had hoped they would be and that hope was snatched away from me again.

I do realize that I have years of Mothers Days ahead of me but that doesn’t really take the pain and bitterness away from not being able to celebrate this year.

But, in good news:

We got to FaceTime on Mothers Day and as soon as they saw me both kids yelled out “Happy Mothers Day!” which made the day somewhat better 🙂 Plus both foster parents wished me Happy Mothers Day as well.

Here’s to a better Mothers Day next year!

xoxo

nikki

 

Posted in Adoption

YASSSSS

Watch this video:

Oh my gosh. I could watch this over and over and over and over again. It is perfect.

I can’t even believe the things that people say about adoption. “Those aren’t your real kids” makes me want to punch somebody. How in your right mind could you say that to somebody?????

I’ve already been asked “How much did they cost” which I can’t even fathom why someone would ask that. I’m going to start carrying around our agencies phone number and hand it to people who ask. hahaha.

The question that really gets me though is “how did they get in foster care”. I politely try to let people know that it’s NOT MY STORY to tell. And to be fair, it DOESN’T matter how they ended up in foster care, what matters is that we are adopting them. I understand that as humans, we are curious by nature, but if I let you know that it’s not my story to share, LET IT GO. Don’t keep asking questions “was it abuse” “was it alcohol” “was it….”, this isn’t 20 questions. I’m not going to go “ding ding ding” if you get the right question. If my children feel like sharing their story one day: great, if they never want to share it: great. IT IS THEIR LIFE.

Adoption is tricky. I never realized all the questions we would have to avoid or answer. I never really realized how curious humans are. I want to share MY story. I’m open about my infertility. I’m open about how my heart was led to adoption. I’ve been open about our adoption process. However, I WILL NOT share a story that IS NOT mine.

xoxo

nikki

Posted in Uncategorized

More Views

I’m getting more views here but it seems like I have less and less to write. Well, that’s not true. I’ve got plenty to write but every time I sit down I can’t remember any of it. When I’m driving I can always come up with plenty of ideas or things I need to write about but that seems to all fly out of my head when I have time to sit down here.

Our kids are moving here in 13 DAYS!! WOOHOO! This process from start to finish (well from starting all the paperwork to the kids moving here) has taken OVER a year. So, adoption is longer than pregnancy, if you were wondering. We have been finishing last minute things around the house in preparation! So many people have also asked when they can come visit and meet the kids, we are so loved!! I’ve finished a lot of decorating around the house. Next week we are going to the grocery store to stock up on their favorite foods!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared. Life is changing BIG TIME. We are so so excited. But there is also a little sadness and fear for life changes. I believe that’s normal though. We’ve gone 7 years with no kids, just the two of us. We are used to that. We’re not used to kids. We’ll get used to it but with all changes there will be an adjustment period. I’m ready for that. It’ll be hard on all of us. I’m ready for that too.

7 years with just the two of us has been awesome but I’m also ready to add to our family. I’m ready for kids. I’m scared, I mean who wouldn’t be? But when we FaceTime and they call us Mom & Dad and count down the days until they move here, my heart just explodes with happiness. This is my path. This was always my path. I just had to trust in God to get us here.

xoxo

nikki