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Radio Silence

Here’s the thing. I don’t know the future for this website. I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I don’t know if I want to share anymore. Not because I’ve suddenly become a secretive person but more because there is just so much going on and I’m still trying to process my feelings about it all. I just can’t find the time to sit down and share. It would be a really, really long blog. But here goes.

We put my Grandpa in a home about two weeks ago. It was such a quick, fast decision and my mom, hubs and me spent 12hours buying, moving, and building furniture. It was a long day and night and it’s been a long two weeks since. My grandma is, of course, having a difficult time so I have been trying to be someone she can rely on for anything and everything. On top of that, I still haven’t come to terms with my feelings on him being in the home. I knew he had Dementia but since he’s been in the home with other people who have memory problems it’s made his seem more real and worse. He doesn’t really process what you’re saying at all. He can’t answer simple questions. He’ll start talking about something and you’ll have no idea what he’s saying. I go visit him and spend time with him and I end up feeling worse when I leave. That’s a terrible thing to say but when I talk to him and show him pictures it just highlights the fact that he doesn’t know me. He knows I’m familiar, yes but he has no idea what grand-daughter means. I’m still struggling and I don’t know what to do about it.

On top of that, we are STILL WAITING on our paperwork for the kids. That has been a whole mess of it’s own. Two weeks ago, yes the same time I was dealing with putting my Grandpa in a home, our county called and said we needed a new homestudy, background checks and finger prints. We called our agency but because they are small, the owner was out of town in AFRICA, so no emails nor phone calls could reach her. We reached out to our caseworker who immediately told us that was not right and she would take care of it. Well, for a week we were in limbo trying to figure out if we needed to go ahead and start a new home study or if the paperwork was wrong. Turned out the paperwork was wrong (never thought I’d be thankful for wrong paperwork) and a box had gotten checked that shouldn’t have. Also, the paperwork never had to go to our county, just to the state office. So, the paperwork got fixed and we believed it was sent to our state, nope, it’s still in the kids home state. They had to reapprove it and then send it on. It has been over a month since the ICPC was sent and we’re still waiting. Everyone keeps saying “Any Day Now” for the last two weeks.

I am really frustrated that it is taking this long. Everyone has been told, by a judge no less, that they need to hurry up because these kids need to get to their forever home and it feels like they are still dragging their feet. Also, the caseworker who has been on the kids case from the beginning got transferred so now it feels like we have no one on our side fighting for us. We haven’t even heard from the new caseworker and she took over about 3 weeks ago. No phone call, email, nothing. She hasn’t even been to see the kids. I am just really upset lately. I feel bad because I keep unloading all of this on my husband and he’s suffering too. He’s going through the same feelings I am. My family is so busy getting my Grandpa settled and helping my Grandma that I can’t talk to them because I feel like it will just make them feel worse. So here I am, talking to nobody.

It just feels like I don’t know how much more I can take and then more comes along.

xo

nikki

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Just a wife, foster/adoptive mama, fur mama and small business owner sharing her life!

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