I originally sat down to type out a post entitled “Sick to My Stomach”, it was going to be about my grandfather in the home. But I am sick of being so negative all the time. Every time I sit down to write it’s so negative. I am tired of being that person. You wouldn’t think it would be so exhausting to be negative. But it truly is. It takes a lot of effort to be so negative about everything.
So I’m turning over a new leaf! Trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of things. But even when I do think of those negative things, I’m trying to see them in a new positive light. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or that I’m going to be able to do it right away because hello clinical depression but I’m at least going to try to not be so negative.
Last night visiting my Grandpa was a little hard, he was a little grouchy but I sat with him and then when I had to go, he said you’re leaving already and then I told him i love you and he said i love you too. That is HUGE! I say I love you every time I leave and he rarely says it back so I truly treasure those moments when he says it. When dealing with dementia, it is truly the small things that you take for granted that mean the most. Hearing “I love you too” means EVERYTHING to me. He might say it back to me once a month. I have to catch him in the right moment, when he knows who I am and he’s in a good mood.
I have to run now but I want to post more often even if it’s just short posts like these.