Adoption is bringing out a lot of feelings in me. Aside from frustration, happiness, anger, and joy I’m recently feeling a new one A LOT:
Long story short, our kids had to be moved out of their foster home and into a new, temporary one. This home is in a better neighborhood, it is a couple instead of one parent, and the kids are happy. We are now able to FaceTime twice a week and they post daily pictures for us to see. This is all WONDERFUL. And I am VERY thankful for these people being willing to take my kids in for only 2-3 months.
HOWEVER. I am feeling so much jealousy. I want my kids to be happy. I want them to be loved. There will NEVER be TOO MUCH LOVE. My kids are blessed to have so many people love and care about them. Knowing this, however, doesn’t help my jealousy. When they post pics of all of them together, I get so jealous. I want that to be us. I want our kids HERE. I want to be taking them to the park, playing basketball, playing video games, taking them to basketball games, out to eat, everything they do together I want it to be ME (and hubs of course). I want to be posting those pictures. I just want them in MY home.
Adoption has sent me through a whirlwind of emotion. Jealousy is not one I planned on feeling. I knew going into this whole process that my kids would be coming from a foster home. That they would be attached to that home and their foster parents. I did not know however that they would be moved homes after we met and bonded with them. I can’t say for sure but I feel like if they had been in this foster home the whole time, I probably wouldn’t be as jealous. I’m jealous because their move was not here, it was to this new foster home. And they are bonding with their new foster parents (which is GREAT) but doesn’t stop the jealousy.
I love seeing the pictures that they post. I love seeing that my kids are happy and having fun. I love that we can FaceTime them. I love that the new foster parents care about my kids and take care of them. It’s still hard to see. We bonded with these kids, they are MINE. My heart hurts that they can’t be here and it’s hard to see them doing things with other people that I wish we could be doing with them.
Adoption is not for the faint of heart, y’all. It is heartbreaking, gutwrenching and totally, totally worth it.
I know that everything happens in God’s timing. These foster parents were meant to be in my kids lives. God knows what it best for us and this is what’s best for right now. Our kids will get here in the timetable that God has planned.