Posted in Adoption

Adoption Update!

So for the last 4 or so months, we’ve been waiting to hear about a sibling group that we inquired about. We had to wait for them to have a meeting to talk about everyone who put in home studies and make a final decision. Well that decision happened last week and we were chosen!!!!

After we found out, our employees threw us a SURPRISE ADOPTION PARTY! It was one of the sweetest, most amazing things I’ve ever had done for me. They had cake, balloons and a card that they had all signed. Even just typing this, I’m crying again! My eyes have been full of happy tears lately and it has been wonderful!

We will be meeting the boys this weekend, which we are so excited and ready for!!

The only downside is that our adoption agency has suddenly decided that they need the whole adoption amount now as opposed to split up like they said before. This sucks because there was no fee contract that we signed so they basically can demand the money any time they want. (So for anyone else going through the adoption process MAKE SURE you sign some kind of fee contract so they can’t just demand money from you at anytime). I wish we could refuse and just send half but seeing as how we need them to do legal paperwork we don’t really want to piss them off. It really really sucks. But I guess we’ve learned something about contracts and fees. (I doubt there will be a next time but if we do decide to adopt again I will absolutely have the fees laid out for me and have that signed by both parties so this doesn’t happen again). ( I also would use a different adoption agency). It is sad because up until now they have been a good agency. I felt cared for and like they were on my side. Now I feel like it is all about the money which is funny because one reason why I chose this agency was because I felt like they cared about us as people and not just about the money.

Aside from legal paperwork, I could have done this adoption by myself. My husband and I have been in touch with the boys adoption worker and caseworker ourselves through this whole thing. Our agency hasn’t been in touch with them at all! The only thing we needed was somebody to do our home study and these post-placement visits.

If you are going to adopt from foster care, I would recommend doing some research and seeing if you can find a caseworker for yourself who can do your home study and pricing out a lawyer to do the paperwork. It may come out cheaper than going through an agency that doesn’t really care about you (or your potential children) but just wants your money. Or I would talk to your county foster agency and see if they can help you.

The bottom line is:

Adoption Agencies DO NOT CARE about foster care adoption. It is not lucrative. They cannot make as much money as international or birth mother adoption. They just. don’t. care.

Also, ALWAYS make sure you have a fee contract that has been signed. If the agency doesn’t have one, have them make one for you. If they won’t, you might want to think about using a different agency.

xoxo

nikki

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Posted in Uncategorized

I need God today

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like you need God? You need a sign? You need something to tell you that you are going in the right direction?

Everything feels like it’s crashing down on me today. And all I can do is try to stop crying and keep telling myself that God will provide. He will. He will. He will. I just can’t see it right now.

Life is so hard sometimes. It’s wonderful but hard. I think sometimes that my depression makes it even harder. When “bad” times happen, in my mind they’re “awful” and I just can’t get past them. I tend to hold onto things even though my hubs keeps trying to get me to just “let things roll off my back”. I’m just not that kind of person. I hold onto things. I let them bug me. I let them get under my skin. I don’t want to but I also don’t know how to not let them.

I need God today, how about you?

xoxo

nikki

 

Posted in Adoption

Wait, what?

*This post was written in October 2016*

Over a month ago we put in an inquiry on a sibling group out of state. Honestly, I had kind of given up hope. I had lost faith in this process. There is just so. much. waiting. I figured they had picked someone else. But, I still emailed my caseworker and asked her to call their caseworker just to see if there was any news.

Then my caseworker called me.

It seems like this process is just a mess of emotions. Highs and lows. Excitement then disappointment. Waiting and then more waiting. My emotions change by the second.

So I answered. Hubby had JUST left to go to the gym.

“You are 1 of 3 home studies. I think the caseworker REALLY likes you guys. She asked a lot of questions about you and liked a lot of what she read.”

I’m soaring. WHY IS MY HUSBAND GONE WHEN THE GOOD NEWS COMES?!? I’m floating around the house with the hugest grin on my face.

And then,

“But they have to exhaust all their options in their state first. They want to keep these kids in state if they can. So they won’t be making any final decisions until December.”

I stop soaring. Stop floating. Smile gets wiped off my face. Come back to reality, Nikki. You are no closer to these kids than you were before you got this phone call.

Caseworker is still super positive. I am too. Because even though this phone call came with more waiting, it is still super awesome to be 1 of 3 home studies and what sounds like the favorite home study.

This whole process is just a rollercoaster. Highs and lows come at the same time. But honestly, I imagine that once we get whatever kids we are supposed to have, it will still be a rollercoaster. This process is just preparing us for when our kids finally come home.

xoxo

nikki

Posted in Adoption

Research

I have done more research about the adoption process than any other time in my life. I never did this much work in high school! I soak up everything I can adoption-related. Blogs. Books. Podcasts. Youtube videos.

I really love to read through “real-life” blogs. By that, I mean blogs that deal with the dirty, hard stuff not just the “life is great and everyone is happy all the time lalala”.

I KNOW adoption is hard. No matter where your kids come from they have suffered a HUGE loss. The loss of their biological family. That IS going to affect them. Maybe not now but it will at some point. I’m preparing for that. I’m preparing for the hard stuff. The screaming, the yelling “I hate you, I want my real parents”.

I feel like we’re ready. We are definitely ready to be parents and I think we are prepared to be adoptive parents. We have the most important tool: love. No matter what else, our kids will need love. They will need love especially when they are screaming “I hate you”. They will need  our patience, our support and our never-ending love.

The other day our caseworker called just for an update on how we’re doing (the waiting is getting old but other than that great:) ). And we were talking and she was just reminding us how there will be a honeymoon stage but THEN the kids will try us and push us and it will get hard. I appreciate the reminder. But sometimes it would be nice to hear that even though it will be hard, IT WILL BE WORTH IT. I’ve read/studied enough that I’m ready for it to be hard. I know it will be hard. I also know it will be worth it! It would just be nice to hear someone else say it every now and then!

Here are two books I’ve read/currently reading:

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(I got the recommendations off a blog and if I could remember which one I would absolutely give them credit)

No Matter What by Sally Donovan-

(Read this with a box of tissues). This is her true story of dealing with infertility, going through the adoption process and raising two children. At times I felt like she was taking the words out of my mouth. Especially her struggle with infertility and turning to adoption. I felt like she was writing MY story. I couldn’t put it down (which worked out well since hubs was out of town and I was all alone for the weekend) and ended up reading it from start to end in about two days. If you do decide to read this one (and I highly recommend it) just know going into it that it is EMOTIONAL. It will bring your emotions to the surface, you will cry and by the end, you will feel like you were on her journey.

The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting by Sally Donovan-

I have barely started this one (by barely I literally mean I read the first 3 pages). The holidays have kept me busier than I thought and I haven’t had time to pick this one up and read it yet. I am really itching to read it seeing as how No Matter What was SO good but family/work have kept me too busy.

Aside from those two specific books, I haven’t found any others that seemed worth reading yet. I don’t specifically follow any adoption blogs, I mostly just google “adoption blogs” and read a blog from this site, a blog from that site but when I find some worth sharing I definitely will!

Hopefully in the next couple days I’ll get to sit down and write a current update about where we are in the process but no promises!!

xoxo

nikki

Posted in Adoption

Adoption Update

*This post was written in October 2016*

I realize I haven’t written an adoption draft in awhile. I’ve been so busy with work and writing posts I can actually publish that I haven’t had a chance to sit down and write about the adoption.

OUR HOME STUDY IS COMPLETED!!!!!

And our CPR training is done! Now we can be matched with a child!

It felt so, so, so good for our home study to be completed! The day after our home study was completed, we put in an inquiry on a child in state. Yay! That was about two weeks ago and when our caseworker talked to the child’s caseworker she said she was going to take inquiries for two weeks and then make a decision. So, hopefully, she will be reading our home study this week!

After we put in that inquiry, we saw a sibling group out of state that we really liked, so last week we put in an inquiry for them. That state was actually moving quite fast and after putting in the inquiry on Tuesday, they requested our home study on Thursday. Now it’s been a week since we put the inquiry in and my impatience is kind of getting the best of me. I feel like they had the weekend to read our home study, WHY AREN’T THEY RESPONDING? My head is going crazy with thoughts like “maybe they didn’t like us” “why wouldn’t they like us” “what’s wrong with us” “were the kids not a good fit” EVEN THOUGH it’s only been ONE WEEK. I’m pretty sure I’m certifiably insane. Patience. It’s the virtue I’m not strong in and apparently, this adoption process is going to teach me patience.

Thank goodness, this month is October and we have the Halloween store. Being up there really does help keep my mind, somewhat, off the adoption. Although I am always thinking about it in the back of my mind, being at work at least keeps it from being at the forefront of my mind and thoughts.

So that’s where the adoption process is. I’m just over here learning about patience. And more patience.

I know this adoption will go the way it’s supposed too. I know we’ll end up with the kid(s) we are supposed to end up with. And I also KNOW that I will learn A LOT about patience and hopefully, by the end of this, I’ll have a lot more patience!

xoxo

nikki

October 2016

Posted in Adoption

Adoption Training

*This post was written July 2016*

You would not believe everything we have to go through to adopt. Honestly, I don’t believe it sometimes.

We started our first training last week. A 3 hour class every week for 6 weeks. Plus homework. (I thought I was done with school!)

It’s not awful. I have learned some new stuff but I’ve also heard repeats of lots of stuff. I think the biggest problem is that our agency doesn’t do training so we have to go through another agency and they do their training before the home study so we are hearing repeats of things our caseworker told us when she did our home study.

For example, the homework is just questions off of the home study! I (jokingly) asked Cliff if we could just ask our caseworker to send over copies of her notes and we could turn those in!

Honestly, it’s irritating but I know our child has gone through so much in their short little life so a little irritation and repeats right now are nothing. Whenever I get irritated, I just go online and watch videos of kids that I could potentially adopt one day and I fall in love with adoption all over again. How can you not love the fact that you have been blessed to give one of these sweet, sweet children a home? How can I not be happy that God has led me in this direction?

Yes, it’s hard. But anything that’s easy isn’t really worth it!

xoxo

nikki

July 2016