I was raised very religious. I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday nights. I did what I believed was expected of me. And then I began to have questions. Questions that no one could answer. So I left the church I had been raised in. But that doesn’t mean I left my faith behind. I still believe in God and Jesus Christ. I believe in the Bible and reading the Bible. We pray every night. I believe God is there and He is listening. I believe in His plan for my life. I believe that He has put me through trials but He has never left my side. I believe that His plan is ALWAYS better than my plan.
I struggled to believe these things during my infertility struggle. I struggled to believe that it was for my best interest. I struggled to believe that His plan was better than mine. I didn’t pray unless it was to beg Him to give me a baby. I felt like He had abandoned me. But He had never abandoned me. He had never left my side. And once I knew that, everything got easier. I gave all my struggles and heartache to Him because He was waiting to take them. He was waiting to show me a brighter path and a better future.
I think I’ve mentioned that this is not the first time we’ve looked into adoption. It is actually the third time. And every time I knew it was right. However, that doesn’t make it easy. It has been an incredible learning experience for me. And one day, when it was particularly difficult, I opened my bible and saw these verses:
“Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.”-John 14:1
“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”-John 14:18
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”-John 14:27
They were exactly what I needed to hear. And funnily enough, after reading these verses, we ended up getting some good news that day.
Whenever I’m struggling or feeling upset and frustrated, I turn to these verses and remember that He is there and He will always be there.
Life is not easy. We all have our struggles. Whether it be infertility, depression, loss, divorce or anything else, God is always there. You don’t have to be religious to believe in God. You don’t have to go to church. You just have to be willing to open you heart and your mind to Him. He’s waiting.