*This post was written July 2016*
Going into adoption THIS TIME, I knew what I was getting myself into. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. I’m going to talk about the FIRST time we started the process.
When we started the process with a different agency in Colorado, I was SHOCKED by the amount of paperwork. Background checks from EVERY state we’ve lived in the last FIVE years? Fingerprints, what are we criminals? And then just ALL the paperwork. Fill this out about your childhood and background. What about your parenting and discipline views? List EVERY address you’ve lived at in the last FIVE years, I’m supposed to remember all of those? Describe ALL of your relationships, with your parents, siblings, friends and spouse.
Just take a look at this mountain of paperwork and keep in mind that’s not even all of it:
Then you HAVE to attend 27 hours of training. We’ll tell you how to be a good parent. Oh, and you HAVE to get CPR training.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed A LOT of tears that first time. I’d also be lying if I said that one day I didn’t take all the paperwork and throw it all on the floor because I was so frustrated. I’d also be lying if I said my husband didn’t look at me like I was crazy when I did it.
I was frustrated and more importantly I was ANGRY. While I was filling out paperwork, all I could think was “If I was pregnant I wouldn’t have to do ANY of this. The state doesn’t care where you live, what your background is, what your relationships are like and what your parenting views are if you get pregnant. They don’t care where you live or if you have CPR training. You don’t have to go to parenting classes if you get pregnant. IT’S NOT FAIR!”
Which honestly, it was probably good that our caseworker got transferred and we began to feel uncomfortable with the agency. My mindset was NOT RIGHT.
ADOPTION IS NOT PLAN B. If you are thinking about adoption because you CAN’T get pregnant, then DON’T do it. At least not until Adoption is your Plan A. Give yourself time to mourn your infertility and move past it. Don’t adopt because you can’t get pregnant. Adopt because you WANT to give a child a loving family and home.
I didn’t have this mindset the first time and it would have been a HUGE mistake to adopt at that point. I thank God that He didn’t let us go through with it.
But my mindset is RIGHT this time. Adopting is not my Plan B, it’s my only plan. Unless God surprises us, we have no plans to ever try fertility treatments again. We want to fill our home with kids who NEED us. And you know what? We need them too.