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1 in 8

1 in 8. Imagine being told you had a 1 in 8 chance of winning something, seems pretty slim right?

1 in 8. 1 in 8 couples are diagnosed with infertility. When put like that it seems SO high.

1 in 8. My plans for my life didn’t include being the 1 in 8. Infertility was the farthest thing from my mind. In my world, it didn’t even exist. I didn’t even know anyone who was dealing with infertility. (Or if they were I never knew).

1 in 8. 1 in 8. 1 in 8. It’s like a beat that beats in my head over and over again. Only 1 in 8 are diagnosed with infertility. How did it become me?

August 2010. This August will be 6 years since we started trying to have our family. Sometimes I can’t even believe it’s been that long. The first year really flew by. Doctors tell you not to start worrying until it’s been a year.

January 2012. We finally decide to talk to a fertility specialist. Scared. Scared doesn’t even begin to cover how scared I was. Scared x 100 is probably more accurate. No one wants to be told they can’t have kids.

January 2012-April 2013. Fertility Treatments. Bad side effects. No pregnancy. No pregnancy. No pregnancy. Going crazy. Bad days.

May 2013. Made the decision to press pause on fertility treatments. Not only are they hard on your body but they are so so hard mentally and emotionally. For my health and sanity I HAD  to stop. I felt like a failure EVERY TIME they failed. I felt like God was punishing me. What had I done that was SO BAD He wouldn’t give me a child? What was wrong with my life? These thoughts haunted me DAY AND NIGHT. I couldn’t function. I’m sure I wasn’t a good wife during those times. Thinking back I can’t even think of very many times during those days that I even got out of bed, let alone changed out of pajamas. God Bless my amazing husband for sticking with me. They were hard times.

Finally, one day I fell to my knees. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. But for once, I didn’t pray for a baby. I prayed not to know God’s will but to have the strength to follow it. I prayed to know that God was leading my life and for me to have the peace to simply let that be. I still pray for that everyday. I have been so blessed in my life and know that God’s hand is in my life everyday. I still do not understand. I don’t know why I am the 1 in 8. I simply know that I am.

I am the 1 in 8. And that is okay. I have hope that one day I will be blessed with a child but even if I’m not, I know I’ll be okay. I know that God (and my husband) will be there no matter what.

I am the 1 in 8. And I am striving to be an open book. I am ready and willing to talk about my experiences in the hope that it will help someone else out of the dark tunnel that is infertility and infertility treatments.

#startasking #starttalking # infertility

xoxo

nikki

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Author:

Just a wife, foster/adoptive mama, fur mama and small business owner sharing her life!

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